A Trans Kid Writes to Students, Faculty and Staff
By Ash Bouchard
I have known that I was trans since middle school. I was talking to my mom about it. I told her that I think I am a boy, and she replied, “No you aren’t, you are a girl. That's what you were born as, and it is what you are.”
It’s been five years since then. I am not “over it.” Something similar happened with my older sister, and that one really hurt because she has always been my number one supporter. I was talking about how I felt about my gender. At this time I thought I was gender fluid, and she asked me if I was sure that I was gender fluid, and not just a girl. The takeaway from that conversation was more self-doubt and pain.
I know she didn’t mean to hurt me. I know my interpretation confuses a lot of people, but still, it hurt me deeply. During the current school year, I finally got people to stop using my deadname, or at least I thought (deadname is the name a transgender person was given at birth but no longer uses since transitioning). I accidentally slept in one day, and my mom tried to wake me up, to no avail. So she yelled my deadname to wake me up. She said that she had tried with my chosen name and it didn’t work. Truth is, I think the yelling did the job, not the use of my deadname.
Misgendering is another thing that trans people have to deal with. At some point I got so used to being constantly misgendered that I thought I was numb to it. I was wrong. Every time someone says “she” or “her” when referring to me, my heart hurts. But it happens so often that I am too tired to correct anyone, even with the pain it causes me. I am too scared of being hurt or yelled at if I correct anyone, so I do it under my breath. It seems like I can’t do anything to change people.
Living in a small town in Maine as a trans is not fun. It’s scary. I fear the reaction of people if I try to correct them on gender reference and pronoun use. It’s a harsh reality that I live with every day.
So please try to do the right thing. Learn about us.
Sincerely, a very distressed
Ash Bouchard
By Ash Bouchard
I have known that I was trans since middle school. I was talking to my mom about it. I told her that I think I am a boy, and she replied, “No you aren’t, you are a girl. That's what you were born as, and it is what you are.”
It’s been five years since then. I am not “over it.” Something similar happened with my older sister, and that one really hurt because she has always been my number one supporter. I was talking about how I felt about my gender. At this time I thought I was gender fluid, and she asked me if I was sure that I was gender fluid, and not just a girl. The takeaway from that conversation was more self-doubt and pain.
I know she didn’t mean to hurt me. I know my interpretation confuses a lot of people, but still, it hurt me deeply. During the current school year, I finally got people to stop using my deadname, or at least I thought (deadname is the name a transgender person was given at birth but no longer uses since transitioning). I accidentally slept in one day, and my mom tried to wake me up, to no avail. So she yelled my deadname to wake me up. She said that she had tried with my chosen name and it didn’t work. Truth is, I think the yelling did the job, not the use of my deadname.
Misgendering is another thing that trans people have to deal with. At some point I got so used to being constantly misgendered that I thought I was numb to it. I was wrong. Every time someone says “she” or “her” when referring to me, my heart hurts. But it happens so often that I am too tired to correct anyone, even with the pain it causes me. I am too scared of being hurt or yelled at if I correct anyone, so I do it under my breath. It seems like I can’t do anything to change people.
Living in a small town in Maine as a trans is not fun. It’s scary. I fear the reaction of people if I try to correct them on gender reference and pronoun use. It’s a harsh reality that I live with every day.
So please try to do the right thing. Learn about us.
Sincerely, a very distressed
Ash Bouchard
